Wednesday, January 29, 2014

on marriage advice

When we were engaged, I thought as soon as we tied the knot I'd sit around and spend a lot of time reflecting on our marriage. Documenting it. Instituting date nights and traditions and "Taco Tuesdays". Well we eat tacos on many different nights of the week, and I haven't really come close to doing any other of the above.

Even though W and I both work, though we have a home and pets to take care of, in the grand scheme of things we are pretty stress free. We have few places on the weekend or after work we actually have to be, and really no one to answer to besides each other. With all that "free" time, I'm not sure why I haven't done all of the things I just knew I would. The things I was so excited to institute in our marriage.

I think the answer is this. For us, it's just not realistic. I read about all of these things on other blogs or in marriage advice books or somewhere on the internet or in a magazine.

"Make time once a week for date night"

"Write a love letter to each other or keep a weekly journal about this or that or the other"

The list goes on. For some people, these things may be necessary and awesome and helpful. To me, they are just another thing on a list of crap I don't really feel like doing.

Honestly? Every night is kind of like date night in our house. It is just us here after all, and we do whatever we want to do. Go out for dinner. Stay in and binge on trash TV. Those are both kind of dates, right? I don't sit around and take a picture of W and myself once a week, but I do make sure I tell him every single weekend how those two days spend together are the highlight of each week for me. I email him a quick message every morning making sure he got to work safely. He locks up the house and lets the dogs out when I'm too tired (which is mostly every single night).

In our eight months of marriage we've established a few routines, but still have a lot of "who what when hows" to figure out. We've laughed and cried and yelled and danced and most of all, have had an affirming and happy two thirds of a year, without any lists or schedules.

I know as we add kids to the mix, as appointments become more frequent, and as life in general gets busier, some of these things may be necessary. But for now, I am happy with just living. I've read a lot of great marriage sustaining advice a lot of places, but I'm happy to report that so far, I haven't had to resort to any of it :)
According to Jax said...

PJs, TV and take out food is TOTALLY A DATE NIGHT!! Those are the nights I love the most...especially since its too cold to leave the house! :)

Katie said...

Aw I love this! I agree...every night is date night when there are no kids around.

Erin LFF said...

I'm with you girl... most nights feel like date night to us, since it's just the 2 of us at home! Since we're trying not to spend a lot of money, we don't feel the need to pick a set date to go OUT to dinner, OUT to a movie, etc etc. We just do what we can when we feel like it! :)

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