Monday, June 9, 2014

29 week itch

I wish I could count the number of times in the past several weeks that the words "Great" or "Can't complain" have come out of my mouth. Every time a coworker or friend asks me how I'm doing, those are my go to responses. My Mom, Will, and friends who are pregnant themselves or recently have had children of their own get a more candid answer, but do all those other people really want to hear how I feel? About how my shoulders feel like I haven't stretched or moved at all for that matter in decades? How it's impossible to get comfortable, my lower back is in knots, I am constantly afraid of wetting my pants, and how it takes more effort to get from a sitting to standing positing (forget laying down to standing) than it would take me to run up and down the stairs 10 times pre pregnancy?


Basically, I am hitting that point in pregnancy where I'm just over it. I am obviously so thankful for this experience. I love that I get to be the one carrying our little girl and bringing her into this world. I love that I get to feel the kicks and be there for every single second of this journey. Seriously, the kicks and feeling her move are THE best ever. I am most of all thankful that it was so easy for me to get pregnant in the first place, and Norah and I have both been pretty healthy every step of the way. But even though all that is true, the pain and discomfort and sleepless nights and haywire emotions eventually start to ware on a person. And for me, that time is here.

To me pregnancy is kind of comparable to planning a wedding. You find out the big day is going to come, be it a baby's birth or the ceremony. And once the date is determined, you have x amount of months to prepare for it. The first few months are joyous and celebratory. The next few are filled with tons of planning and research and decision making. But then there comes the final stretch. For some people, this final stretch might be calm, exciting, and just a time to savor before everything changes. Not for this girl.

The last few months of my engagement, I was over it. Over people asking me millions of questions. Over hearing unsolicited opinions on this or that. Over the waiting for the climax. I just wanted to be married to my husband and start that chapter of our lives. That is where I'm at now with pregnancy.

While it's a little more important for a baby to grow and develop and thrive in the last few months of pregnancy than for me to get my way about just wanting the whole thing to be done, it's the same concept. These last few months, while important for Norah, are just giving me too much time to think. Too much time to dwell on things that really don't matter. Too much time to be physically uncomfortable and lose sight of the prize- our daughter. I know there is a reason pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, but good grief I hope the  final quarter of this marathon isn't as tough as some of my more recent days have been.

While this is my blog and I can complain if I want to, I feel bad even venting. I am healthy. I am a mere 60 days (EEK!) from my last (scheduled) day in the office. I have a supportive family and husband. I don't have to worry about how I will support my child. There are so many things that could make this final trimester so much more difficult, I know that. But regardless, the third trimester is just a bitch. And I hope it eases up on me a little, or this is going to be a long almost three months. At least it's warm and I have a few options to help me relax. Even if it did take me an hour to find a comfortable position.

As I sit here in the rocker in baby's nursery, trying to find a location where I can be comfortable for more than 30 seconds at a time after my couch and bed have completely turned on me, I know this is just the beginning. I will be 100 times more tired, and perhaps in more pain, than I am right now. The difference is that by then, there will be a little person here to remind me it's all worth it. I can't wait until that day comes. Heres to a healthy home stretch and delivery for me and N so we can get to the good stuff :) And to staying positive and surviving the third trimester.
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