Monday, February 10, 2014

Finding Out

I wrote this post the week we found out our big news. Considering I've had to keep all my baby writings private the past couple of months, get ready for lots of pregnancy updates in the coming weeks.

Finding out.

On Thursday December 12th I got up in the morning to get ready for work as usual. On my way into the bathroom, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I’d like to say this was mother’s intuition, but truthfully, it was just impatience. We’d been "trying" seriously for a month or two, so I’d been taking tests sporadically, just in case. After I took this particular test I put it on the counter and proceeded to get ready for work. I was fairly sure it wasn't positive, and I was in no rush to see the “not pregnant” image, so I went on about my business for a while without checking the results. When I finally did, I was completely shocked to see a two pink lines.

The second line was super faint. Barley visible. I thought I was imagining it. It was three days before I was supposed to start anyway. There’s no way I could get such a quick result that early, right? I went to work without saying anything to Will. I knew he would be super excited, and I didn’t want to get his hopes up for nothing. I’d also always imagined telling him in some cute way, so I decided to figure out what to do while at work. At this point I was honestly in complete shock and denial that pregnancy was even possible for some reason. It was supposed to be harder than this, right?

By around 10am I was going nuts. Could it be true? Even though the couple of months we’d been trying seemed to drag on for an eternity, now that the results were right there in front of me, it seemed like it happened so quickly. I started to panic and feel like I needed to know that second, so I ran to the pharmacy up the street and decided to take another test at work. Negative. My heart sank, but I also knew that so early in the game, it was likely to get a negative result depending on the test and time of day. I text a couple of girlfriends asking what they thought about my not so hypothetical little situation (and made sure they were people who I felt wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone). The general consensus was wait and see what happens tomorrow.

On Friday morning I took another test. Again, it was faint but positive. I really started to freak out at this point. Will randomly emailed me asked if I’d like to go out for dinner that night, and I quickly responded yes. I figured I could tell him before we left the house, then we’d celebrate at dinner. I took another test that afternoon to be sure, and sure enough, negative. At this point I knew the whole thing was too much and I had to tell him about my mixed results. So instead of a cute and coordinated presentation, I called him on my commute home and told him about the iffy results. He picked up two more tests, and we decided I’d take them after dinner.

I think he was in the same shock, denial, are you sure state of mind I was. After dinner I took one more test. Since it was the end of the day, and I was still two days from being supposed to start, I assumed it’d be negative and we’d be back at it in the morning. Wrong! The test was as clear as can be. Positive!

I showed him and we hugged and had a mini celebration. We were both honestly in shock, and I don’t think the reality had still sunk in with either of us. I’m writing this on Sunday, and I’m still not sure that it has.

I’ve taken a few more tests, just to be sure, and just because I like to see the “pregnant” result pop up on the little screen. We’ve told a couple of friends, but plan not to tell anyone else (like my Mom) at least until I go to the doctor. Oddly enough, I already had a gyno appointment scheduled for this coming Thursday. I am hoping they will do an ultrasound, or at least do a blood test. I know it’s too early to get any real info, but I’m in the school of “lets check just in case because you never know”.

Besides being slightly anemic, I’m perfectly healthy, and I am praying that this translates to our baby and this pregnancy. It will be a long four days waiting to go to the doctor and get medical confirmation, but I do feel lucky to have already had an appointment. All my fingers and toes are crossed, I’m thinking positively, and prayers are going up all day long that all goes well Thursday, and the next nine months. Still hard to believe it’s real!

© g squared. Made with love by The Dutch Lady Designs.